Small to micro weddings will continue to be the norm. If you’re on the fence about booking an emcee, good hosting is not only possible on a small scale, it’s also, arguably, more essential.
6 Ps of Practical Marriage Prepping
UPDATED CONTENT. This was one of my most popular posts back when I first published it. Obviously, a lot has happened since then! Weddings, like all live events and many aspects of our social life that we took for granted, have changed dramatically. A silver lining: couples have more time to plan their weddings! More importantly, they have more time to prepare for their marriage. Here’s some evergreen advice from my own personal experience.
DON’T POP THE QUESTION AND DON’T PUT ON THE RING UNTIL YOU’VE DONE THESE 6 Ps OF PRACTICAL MARRIAGE PREPPING.
PURSUE EACH OTHER, because if you can’t choose each other now, you won’t choose each other later. Choose to be together and gradually steer your lives toward each other. Marriage is a partnership and partnerships are about getting there together. If you can’t imagine giving up aspects of your present life (or your past relationships, hangups, and even dreams) to build a future life with your partner, you’re bound to have feelings of regret or resentment.
PINPOINT WHERE YOU ARE HEADED personally and professionally. You don’t need to have already “made it”, but have you at least started taking steps in the right direction? Are you moving forward or stuck in a rut? Are you wandering the woods aimlessly? Pinpoint where you and your partner will likely be one, three, and five years from now. If you don’t like where either of you are going, change course and commit to those changes together.
PRUNE YOUR EXCESSES, because your time is limited and you can’t do everything you want to do, so choose what is beneficial and brings true and lasting joy that you can share with your partner. Do you have any goals that aren’t in line with your marriage plans? Do you have hobbies, vices, friends, or habits that hamstring you and are keeping you from being a productive life partner? Get rid of them, or ditch the idea of marriage for now. If you are too attached to unproductive habits or destructive people, marriage is a bad idea.
PREPARE FINANCIALLY, because love is not enough and your parents won’t always be around. Have realistic straightforward no BS answers to important questions. Where will you live? Is your income enough to maintain the lifestyles you are used to? What kind of adjustments do you need to make? You can’t wait forever for things to be perfect but you can do your best to be prepared. If you are unprepared to live life completely cut off from your parents’ financial umbilical cord, marriage will only highlight your lack of readiness.
PLAN FOR THE WEDDING YOU CAN AFFORD. Yes, start talking about it even before an actual proposal. Make sure your expectations (from yourself and from your partner) are fully in line with your actual financial picture. If you can’t afford the wedding of your dreams, then STOP LOOKING AT OTHER PEOPLE’S WEDDINGS. It’s not a competition, and the people who matter won’t judge you. Ground yourself in reality and manage your expectations, then consider what’s really important for you. A wedding is two people, a minister, and witnesses—everything else is gravy.
PRAY. If there’s one thing we’ve learned from recent events, it’s that we are ultimately not in control of our lives. We do what we can, but when it’s time for that volcano to erupt or time for that pandemic to strike, we realize how flimsy our best laid plans can be. More than just asking for what we want, prayer is a way to seek God’s perspective, the eternal perspective. It’s a way to quiet our hearts, to surrender and admit that we don’t have all the answers so that God, in time, can show us the way.
Once you’ve done these 6 things, you’ll be ready as you’ll ever be for marriage. Remember that both you and your partner are imperfect, often selfish people, who have chosen to work together in spite of your differences to make something good in this world. Focus on preparing for a marriage that works, treat your wedding day as the least of your worries, and your best days will always be ahead of you.
Some reflections on how to "pivot"
This might be the coolest beach wedding ever
Let’s welcome beach wedding season with the BEST piece of marriage advice, as seen in this one-of-a-kind wedding
File this under “BAD marriage advice”: learn how to compromise.
When people talk about compromise, they’re actually talking about avoiding conflict. But married life is overflowing with conflict! To compromise implies leaving conflicts unresolved, giving up on finding the best way forward, just so we can move forward.
Big mistake.
I would go so far as to say that married people should learn how to be uncompromising instead.
And if you want to learn more about how to be uncompromising, try shopping for swimwear online. File THAT under “segues you never saw coming.”
…6 modest swimwear brands that don’t compromise style…
…exudes sexiness, without compromising comfort…
…doesn’t compromise fit and coverage…
Chaley had fun with this summery spin on the bridal prep shoot
No, really. Google swimwear and compromise and you’ll see that swimwear designers are, as a rule, uncompromising AF. That should come as no surprise, since they work with such minuscule amounts of material. Every detail, every millimeter, every ounce counts. Conflicting priorities abound. Sexy versus safe, playful versus comfortable, fashion versus self-expression. A great designer doesn’t choose between the extremes, but brings out the best of all of them.
For Chaley, founder and designer of immensely popular local brand Cesa Swimwear, her wedding was a masterclass on how to be uncompromising. She and her now-husband Evan knew exactly what they wanted: a wedding by the beach, surrounded by a small group of friends and family, dancing and partying all night. They had a clear vision, and there was no way they were going to water it down.
Even her bridesmaids were on board with their beach wdding vision!
Except their wedding was on a Sunday night, so a crazy afterparty seemed doubtful. Oh, and there was no way they could just have an intimate wedding because all their kin and even friends of their parents would be coming (this one, you can file under “stereotypes about Filipino-Chinese weddings that are often on point”). Also, there was absolutely no way they could get married at a beach with such a huge guestlist.
Vision versus tradition, fantasy versus reality. For Evan and Chaley, the choice was clear. Working with uncompromisingly visionary wedding planner La Belle Fete, they developed a “beach in the city” concept that transformed a posh hotel ballroom to a seaside getaway. Event stylist Dave Sandoval applied his signature style to tropical plants and cyan hues, giving the decor a lush and laid-back feel. LX Events Pro kept the house lights dim, with a pool of light at the center to keep everyone’s attention on the couple (Evan and Chaley knew all about the importance of lighting for effect: on one of their prenup shoots, they used a combination of large format film and vintage stage lights to achieve an authentic 1950s Hollywood look). The lighting, combined with a surround-sound setup, made the event feel a lot more intimate. Strategic use of fireworks and visuals of lapping waves made it feel just like a real beach wedding, and we kept the vibe up all night.
This fresh yet elegant beach formal setup by Dave Sandoval was just perfect, and the visuals of lapping waves took it a notch higher!
As for the crazy afterparty, let’s just say it started with a lot of messy kissing and ended well past midnight. I’d tell you more about it but I suppose “what happens at the beach, stays at the beach”.
What we ended up with was no half-measure, no compromise. It was no less than the wedding of their dreams.
Chaley told us about how, when Cesa were just starting out, Evan would visit her at bazaars. Little gestures. Checking up on her, bringing her food, helping with customers. Only he didn’t get to help with customers much because in those days, there were hardly any. Sometimes they would pack up for the day without having sold anything at all. Against the odds, she stuck with it, and they to each other. She, uncompromisingly driven. He, uncompromisingly devoted. Cesa’s following grew, and so did their love for each other.
